You feel like a referee more than you do a parent. Your voice is getting hoarse, and you don’t care who started it. You do your best not to play favorites, but your older one is such an instigator. And you’re worried about your younger one in general, given how outgoing and successful his sister is in comparison.
Learn to foster a home environment in which your children can grow up to be allies rather than rivals, viewing themselves and each other as adding unique and important value to the family as a whole.